Understanding and Managing Stubbornness in Children
#28 Stubbornness in children is a common developmental behavior that often leaves parents feeling frustrated and helpless. However, it is not a flaw in the child but a natural part of growing up. It emerges when children begin to assert their independence, usually between ages 2 to 4. This phase is crucial as it helps them develop a sense of autonomy. Why Do Children Become Stubborn? The primary reason for stubborn behavior is not the child’s personality but the environment they are raised in. Parents and caregivers unknowingly teach children how to be stubborn through their reactions. Every time a child’s tantrum results in them getting what they want, they learn that stubbornness works. Thus, faulty parenting, inconsistent discipline, or excessive pampering can reinforce this behavior. How Does Stubbornness Manifest? A stubborn child might:✅ Refuse to eat certain foods✅ Resist bedtime or daily routines✅ Show reluctance to share or follow instructions✅ Insist on doing things their own way, regardless of logic What Doesn’t Work? ❌ Shouting, yelling, or punishing – These methods only escalate the situation.❌ Physical abuse – This not only damages the child emotionally but worsens stubbornness.❌ Engaging in power struggles – The more resistance a child faces, the stronger their defiance becomes. What Actually Works? ✅ A firm, calm “No” – Children need clear and consistent boundaries.✅ Breaking the situation – Change the subject, place, or people involved to distract the child.✅ Avoid reasoning in the heat of the moment – A stubborn child is beyond reasoning when in the middle of a tantrum. Address the behavior later, not during the meltdown.✅ Stay calm and composed – Your reaction determines their reaction. If you stay cool, their stubbornness will decrease. If you boil up, it will intensify. The Golden Rule for Parents 👉 Your child’s stubbornness is a reflection of your reaction.👉 If you get angry, they become more stubborn.👉 If you stay calm, they gradually stop being stubborn. Parenting is not about controlling children but about guiding them. Understand them, remain patient, and model the behavior you want to see. – Dr. Anil Mokashi (Pediatrician)MBBS, MD, DCH, FIAP, PhD(Child Growth and Development)
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